When you found out you were pregnant, you may have read up on all the latest information, talked to all your mom/dad friends and you may have even taken child care classes. However, in my experience (with input from the Husband), there are just some things you can’t prepare for. In the words of the old MTV show Diary, “you think you know…but you have no idea”.
- When kids get a cough, they will sometimes cough until they throw up. This leaves you to run for water and scream, “don’t throw up!!” each time you hear a cough coming on.
- A runny nose is a nightmare when your child doesn’t know how to blow his/her nose.
- Stomach bugs + pull-ups = certain death
- Babies are able to defy gravity with their poo (aka bowel movement or BM).
- BM becomes common vernacular.
- Onsies can be taken off by pulling them over your baby’s head or more importantly in light of #4, down over the shoulders.
- Sometimes your 8 hour work day is the most relaxing part of the day.
- You will enjoy certain toys more than your kids do.
- Some babies don’t like baby food. It’s super fun trying to figure out what a person with no teeth and a sensitive tummy can eat.
- It is a privilege to mow the lawn. Peace, sweet peace.
- Sometimes, NOTHING, even something they really really want, will motivate them to use the potty.
- A grocery store run, after school, with 2 kids, is a kamikaze suicide mission.
- You gain a supreme amount of appreciation for your dog. She doesn’t talk back or whine and generally obeys.
- You should include the following brands in you retirement portfolio: PROCTER & GAMBLE (Pampers) or Kimberly-Clark Brands (Huggies), Abbott Laboratories (Similac) or Mead Johnson & Company, LLC (Enfamil), Nestle (Gerber) and Baby Gap. The amount you (and every other parent) will spend buying products from these companies will certainly secure a plush retirement.
- You will have to choose between personal time and sleep. (Lauren: sleep wins / John: personal time wins)
- Buy (at least) two of whatever comfort item your child has. Losing this item = no sleep for 3 weeks.
- Sprinklers are magic mood boosters for kids. (Tip: buy one from the home and garden section not the toy section.)
- Kisses and hugs from your child and the random “I wuv you momma/dada” will melt you and make you want to be a better parent.
Did I miss any? Comment and let us know the surprising things you’ve learned since becoming a parent.
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